What to do about a roommate who won't clean?

My roommate and I have been living together for four years and knew each other for a number of years before we got a place together. Neither of us are neat freaks. I'm a bit of a slob and he's a bit of a hoarder. He crams the common storage spaces full of the junk he buys and saves, and I don't pick my clothes up off the bathroom floor, and leave used tea bags on the counter. Never the less, before we moved in together we discussed cleaning. I gave him the choice of being responsible for the kitchen or bathroom, and he chose the kitchen, and told me he'd clean every Monday.

The problem is, he has not kept his end of the bargain. Initially I thought he just didn't understand that the bathroom needs to be wiped down, the stove needs to have the grease scrubbed off of it, baseboards needs to be dusted, appliances wiped off, floors swept and mopped and carpets need to be vacuumed because he previously lived at home and his parents did all of this.

After numerous talks, he'd keep telling me "Well tell me what you want me to do!" Like I'm his boss who's supposed to direct his every move. I decided to make a cleaning list and post it on the refrigerator with slots so whoever cleaned what can indicate the name and date they've cleaned.

Now he insists he doesn't have to write when he cleaned because he just "does it" and doesn't need the recognition. This is total BS. He doesn't do anything (or if he does it's incredibly insufficient) and it's not about me giving him recognition.

So the only thing on that list right now is my name and all the things I cleaned, and and again I find myself having to clean the kitchen, which is his responsibility, because the landlord has to come over to fix a leak in the kitchen sink and my roommate has taken off for the weekend.

Telling myself not to upset does not result in action?

My husband and I have completely different backgrounds, especially very different how our moms brought us up. My mother-in-law does not care about being clean or clutter free, whereas my mom washes her hands often and keeps everything neat and clean. My husband and I have a lot of problems getting along, yet none of many of our big issues/problems does bother me more than hygiene habits/manner does. Despite of not being satisfied, I am ok with his never willingly helping me with anything, keeping his bachelor life ever, favoring his family over me, living his fantasy world and disengaging with the reality, and etc. None of those can make me more upset than rubbing his food-greased hands on his pants and clothes, or whatever he can grab the closest to his body, without putting a little effort to reach out the tissue or paper towel within an arm reach distance. After every time he clips his fingernails, I either vacuum or pick each piece up from the floor, or I get prickled by his clipped fingernails. I had seen his throwing a chicken wing down onto the carpet floor for his cat when he lived with his parents. I can go on with pages of the list of his hygiene habits, yet I am sure you get the idea by now.
I have reminded him not once but many times about using a paper towel or tissue to wipe his hands and keeping the crumb on a plate. However, unless I deliver paper towel IN TIME, he has never picked up the habit of using it. Even if I am busy doing something else, I rather trouble myself handing him paper towels any time he needs them rather than watching him rubbing his hands on his clothes, cushion, chair fabric, or even once in a while MY cloth when I sit next to him.
People are different. For some, certain issues bother them but not others. I don’t ever care if he buys me anything or he watches girls with big busts and butts, for instance, which is a big issue for some ladies. For me, I cannot stand my husband’s hygiene habits. I have tried, try, and will try losing myself up to ignore the issue, because I do not want him to get upset whenever I remind him. It was my fault for my first marriage. Thus, I don’t want my current marriage to fall apart, because of MY OWN problem, namely my inability to tolerate my husband’s habits.
A week ago, I felt heartbroken because of what my husband told me. He said that his first girlfriend was satisfied with selling pencils on streets, when he told her that they needed to get rich. He said that she would even be content just living on streets with him, whereas I have been upset about his messing up the furniture and scattering salt and crumb on the floor. I felt myself a big “failure,” although I am much more stable, reliable, knowledgeable, better housekeeping, and etc., than his first two girlfriends. He could have been much happier with either one of them than me, who fusses about his not using paper towels. Although it is likely that women are much more content when they just fall in love and date (I was very content and never fussed about any of his habits when we dated), I did not try to prove his hypothesis possibly being wrong. After all, it is MY PROBLEM who cannot accept who he is with his habits.
He has a habit of watching TV and surfing internet at the same time in every room. Originally, I said that we only ate in the kitchen and living room, because I don’t want to vacuum or clean crumb all other rooms constantly. He loves eating and watching TV at the same time, so I always bring his plate from the kitchen to the living room for him. Then, I don’t remember how it happened that now I bring his plate to his room (he makes the guest room his own room with a couch, TV set, DVD player, game console, and computer. He spends entire day off in his own room, for he has everything he needs there). This morning, when I brought him his plate to his room, he brought the plate to the living room to watch something else on TV, without bringing the napkin with him. I was doing aerobics, yet I quickly got a paper napkin for him. He always feels good when I serve him with drink, food, and etc., because he always dreams to be a king. He expressed, “wow, the service is so quick, and I got a napkin delivered!” I then physically imitated how he rubbed his hands on his pants and said with years of resentment, “just because I don’t want to see you rub your hands on your pants.” He got so offended. Then, he got up and said, “Now I am leaving this house.” That’s about time he had to get ready to go to work anyway. I felt sorry about taking my years of anger out on him when he did not do anything upsetting me. I said sorry to him, yet he said that he seemed married his parents who lectured him all the time by marrying me.
I did not mean to belittle him like that, yet I understand that all these 3 years of resentment collected about his manner and habits deeply bothers me. I totally understand that his habits over 30 something years are hard

Random/fun things to do at camp!?

Me and my friend are going to camp this year and we wanna make it really fun and do some random stuff. Like sneak out of the cabin, dress in really weird clothes, have different personalities each day, hide behind bushes and shoot unsuspecting victims with water guns, and things like that. Sort of like that list "101 Things to do at Walmart," except for camp. So we need some ideas! And also, we're not really into the practical joke type thing like greasing door knobs and such.
Thanks!

Can you relate to this funny?

I can relate to almost all of the special tools listed below. I must have been using them right since I have utilized them the way they are explained below.

. +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ Men's Tools Explained: (Been there, done that) DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh*t!" CIRCULAR SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object you are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON OF A BITCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+